Gratitude: Behind-The-Scenes

Some thoughts on how gratitude is perceived…with cartoon dogs!

I'm no expert on etiquette, and I'm not a huge fan of the holidays in general, but the complexities of exchanging gifts have loomed over me my entire life. So, I'm thinking other people probably also struggle with it from time-to-time. 

Gratitude seems simple enough. There's a gift-giver and a gift-receiver, and usually we are hoping it will go down something like this:

Somebody gives a gift with generosity and love, and somebody else receives that gift with thankfulness and love.

As it is with pretty much everything, though, it's important to remember that every human is different. We are made up of different experiences—especially when it comes to the exchange of presents. Getting a gift from a loved one might evoke a little anxiety or insecurity, which can look less like THE BEST EVER and more like:

…which might then cause the gift-giver to also feel a sense of anxiety, tension, or even anger that their present isn't being valued as much as they had hoped or expected.

Expressing gratitude is very cultural. Some consider it impolite to gush over a gift or make too big a deal of things. Some find the opposite to be true, and want wide-eyed awe and jumping for joy. So many things are in the mix. Who is giving the gift? Who is getting the gift? What have gift exchanges been like for everyone in the past? And, very important: What is the gift?

Sometimes the right gift is given at the wrong time, and that can maybe look like this:

(Hey, sometimes it's the wrong gift at the right time.)

Sadly, many of us have experienced the "gift" that is not really a gift—gifts that come with a pricetag. The price, though, is not monetary, and it can actually feel like emotional blackmail. If this happens too often, a person may become bad at receiving gifts with gratitude, because they are wondering what do you want from me in return?

This can get so bad that some people do not even trust hugs. Oof.

Similarly, sometimes that wrong time is actually a really bad time for the person being gifted. Maybe worse than you know, because they don't want to burden anyone with what they are going through. 

Remember that gratitude is not the same thing as being polite, and when it comes to being polite, there is often a behind-the-scenes struggle going on between the brain and the face and the words and the actions. People just aren't always going to get it right.

Being yourself, no matter what, is a really tough thing to do in this world. I have not perfected it, but here are some of my ideas when it comes to this subject:

• Give out of love—never out of obligation or with ulterior motives.
• Try your best to be open to receiving gifts—accept that you are lovable!
• Have faith that love resides within the intention of everyone involved.

It's not a perfect model, but to me, this is the ideal spirit o' the season. Hang in there, everybody!